Buried Amish Treasure

dontfeedthedrew @ 2008-11-03T14:24:00

2008-11-03T19:24:52Z

I live in Boston now.

Stop being so laissez-faire, we're all scared of the future...

2008-08-27T15:04:34Z

We make plans
for big times
Get bogged down,
distracted
We make plans
for good times
All neon,
all surface
So kiss me
before
it all gets
complicated
I've got
a taste for blood

I haven't made a real entry since January. So much has happened. I don't know how to sum up.

Maybe that's why I don't write in this anymore... because it's impossible for me reduce the major happenings of my life to bullet-points, and I'm afraid of who may read the details if I went that far. For now, I am alive, and my definition of that word changes daily. If you don't care to ask yourself, that is all you need know.

Summers are amazing. Perhaps the sun causes people to grow as well.

I think I took too long on this, but it was amusing

2008-02-22T00:19:13Z

1. Pick 10 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. Looking them up is cheating, please don't.

1. Character 1: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar.
Character 2: When will you be back?
Character 1: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

2. Maybe if we were the last two people alive, and there were no sheep. Are there sheep?

3. Character 1: He's my knight in shining armor.
Character 2: Don't talk about knights around Mark, it's a sore subject.

4. Character 1: I'll do my best.
Character 2: Your "best"! Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.

5. Character 1: Am I pretty?
Character 2: You are the most beautiful girl in the world.
Character 1: You're just saying that.
Character 2: No! I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality.

6. You're right! Love isn't just something you feel... it's shaving your balls!

7. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight!

8. Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

9. Character 1: How's your mother?
Character 2: Oh... I'm afraid she's on her way out.
Character 1: [walks away] We all are. Act accordingly.

10. My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

dontfeedthedrew @ 2008-01-31T22:07:00

2008-02-01T03:11:02Z

Want to make a work-week seem long? Stay out until 4am on a Monday night.

Totally worth it, though.

And donned a marigold in your hair

2008-01-19T16:23:58Z

It's probably time for some writing.

Last weekend's show at the Studio was easily the best I've had at that place. I got 6 more because of that one set. It's cool to have a place like that to go and meet people and learn about everything while thoroughly enjoying myself every time.

I've also decided that I'm taking a trip to Toronto in 3 weeks, to audition for Last Comic Standing. It'll most likely be a waste of time, and the show is clearly fixed, but it'll still be a fun little trip with my friends.

I feel the need to go out and make some new friends again. It happens alot. I think it'd be better if I lived in a place where I could do it whenever I pleased. Ehh, I'll move out soon enough.

I've recently gotten into music by The National. Check them out. Seriously.

And I can take away the salt from your eyes

2007-12-14T01:17:28Z

I really like the feeling of being snowed-in. Nope, can't do anything today, I'm snowed in. Guess it's just me and a DVD of The Office and my thoughts.

I wish I actually had a DVD of The Office. But I like today regardless.

One of my shady vermont myspace friends took a survey about the year 2007, and for whatever reason I read it. I refuse to take it myself, but it made me think about how much has changed since the beginning of the year. I can't explain it very well without a stupid metaphor I have in my head, so here goes:

Think of who I am as a patch-work quilt. Before this year, I had made it all by myself for the most part. I'd stumble upon a piece of it every so often, and attach it myself. And, up until 2007, I didn't really let anyone else touch it. Or even see it, for that matter.

This was the first year I actually let people add their own pieces to it. The first year that I've let others actually influence my life and what I am. Everyone I've encountered this year, even people I don't really see anymore, has left their own little mark on me. There are very specific people responsible for specific parts of who I am, and I'll be happy to give credit where credit is due.

And there isn't a pattern or scheme to the quilt anymore, but it's just more colorful and more complete than it could ever have been before.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is growth. Explained in cheesy symbolism.

Happy snow day.

dontfeedthedrew @ 2007-12-05T19:10:00

2007-12-06T00:10:54Z

I'm totally going to be a crazy person when I'm older. I talk to myself too much as it is.

You get mistaken for strangers by your own friends

2007-11-07T02:50:16Z

Wow, it's been over a month since I put anything in here. Ridiculous. I still read everything my friends do, but I feel like the inner workings of my life are fairly inconsequential as of late. Does anybody seriously care, anyway?

In the not-surprising section of the news, Athol is lame. I want to visit people. Alot. And probably move when I get enough money. I'm pretty much set on the idea of moving into Boston when I finally get out of here, so there's some saving to do...

I actually read my bank statement for october, and had a withdrawal from New Brunswick, NJ in mid October. I can't believe it was only like 3 weeks ago I was there. October was a crazy month.

If you need further updates, ask me. I'll tell you the whole story next time I see you.

dontfeedthedrew @ 2007-10-03T10:28:00

2007-10-03T14:45:51Z

And we can spend this night for two
Just wondering what to do
And I will be fine with that.

Somebody tell me how Kung Pow: Enter the Fist is not widely regarded as the greatest piece of cinema ever. I saw it on TV last week, and it's absolutely brilliant.

New Jersey this weekend, then URI next weekend for a comedy show and a little alumni team frisbee action. Sounds like the beginning to a good Autumn to me.

New job is fun... I played capture the flag with middle schoolers for an hour yesterday. It's tiring though. I forgot what sore muscles were like, which is weird to say I think.

Neat-o.

Tonight make me unstoppable...

2007-09-19T15:31:02Z

In the past two days my standup on youtube got over 1,000 views mysteriously. Random people left strange and vaguely hurtful comments. This was terribly confusing for me until I googled my name and found this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bVa6jn4rpE

Awesome.

I didn't win the contest last night, but I'm MCing the next two nights at the club. So in the end, it was a success anyway.

First day at American Eagle's tomorrow. Ohhh boy.

Lover, no I can't afford your game

2007-09-14T02:56:03Z

The Fifth Element is on right now. Weird movie, but I always end up watching it all the way through.

I got a job at American Eagle for the time being. Today we had an orientation of sorts. Who knows how long this'll last, but at least I'll have a little income now.

I seem to have a habit lately of making things unnecessarily complicated for myself.
Ah well... beats the alternative.

I need to hit a campus soon. I thought I may be at URI this weekend, but perhaps not, if my show's cancelled. This place has become deserted now that everyone's back at school.

Mila Jovovich is kicking aliens to opera music. I Gotta go.

The Grapevine in my Ear

2007-08-26T20:12:08Z

Any conversation that's worth having will probably end up happening after 3 am. Daytime is filled with small-talk and pleasantries. People are real at night. That's my thought for the day.

Now it's off to Mike's after a pretty sweet weekend in upstate RI.

Save us from what we will become tonight

2007-08-18T20:12:21Z

It's funny how every time I need to compile a setlist before a show, Spider Solitaire suddenly becomes the best game on the planet.

At the rate my procrastinaion skills have progressed, I don't know if I could have handled another year of school.

And it's off to Vermont I go. Here goes nothin'.

On a side note, despite all the current chaos and uncertainty in my life, I am quite content with existence.

Ransom notes keep pouring out your mouth

2007-08-12T02:37:58Z

"I believe in romance and spontaneity, not baby-talk and pet names."

A friend of mine has that in her about me, and I like it. Amen.

Myrtle Beach was alright. It was pushing 100 and humid every day we were there, so that was kind of oppressive. I don't think I'll go back.. I felt really out of place there. There are two scenes there: the family-with-kids vacation with shows and miniature golf and the beach, and there's also a scene for groups of guys to go down and play golf and go to strip clubs (I've never seen so many strip clubs in one place ever). While the golf courses are fun, it's become this over-commercialized, overwhelming spot to be, and that's not what I want out of a vacation.

With that said, it was still a decent time. I got the privilege of seeing a 9 year old girl sing "Here for the Party" karaoke. There's nothing quite like listening to a little girl saying she's going to "get me some."

And in a random turn of events, Lydia and Amy are coming up to visit tomorrow night. I need to figure out something fun for us to do. Oh, backwoods...

Dude, I have to get a job now? What? Lame...

Don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head

2007-08-03T21:25:17Z

So I'm back home.

Until tomorrow, when I'm going with Mike and his family to Myrtle Beach. Should be fun.

Road trip was amazing. Every so often, there are moments that just make you happy to be alive; flashes of brilliance that are as incredible as they are fleeting. Those are the moments you'll remember in 50 years, thankful that, for whatever reason, you were in exactly the right place at exactly the right time. I can't tell you how many of those moments I've had in the past 3 weeks.

I don't think an explanation could do total justice, because it's like an inside-joke. You really had to be there, or you'll never fully appreciate it. I feel that "inside-moment" should be coined as a phrase. Just an experience that's shared between two or three or however many people that nobody else could never fully appreciate, no matter how hard they tried, and the exclusivity of it all makes the experience that much more amazing to everyone fortunate enough to be involved.

I'm going to start using it, I think.

The dental hygenist called me a free-spirit today. I don't know about that, but I'd like to think it's true.

I need to go do laundry for another week. Let's all hang out when I get back. Everyone that reads this. All at once.

The kind that bring you home, when home becomes a strange place

2007-07-22T18:07:18Z

I was held out of the show last night because I didn't bring enough people.

This has not been a good week in the life of Drew the Comedian.

Everything else is good, though. Long island tonight, Jersey tomorrow, probably.

:(

2007-07-19T00:06:06Z

I didn't get in. Too bad.

Resuming my trip in RI tomorrow, then CT and NYC by the end of the week.

I saw a deer on the steps to Butterfield dining hall the other night. That was neat.

There's no way I'm getting 10 people to go see me this weekend. Hopefully they'll let me on anyway because they like me. Or all the other comics get stuck on a bus that can't go under 55 mph. Either way.

Don't tell anybody anything. You'll end up missing everybody.

2007-07-13T14:35:22Z

Hello, all. Maine is fun. I am in the library next tot he beach. Here are a few highlights:

On the way here, there was a large 45 year old woman exercising with headphones down the middle of the road. Not running, though. Skipping. Scarring?

I tried telling my sister in the pool that babies, when they're newborn, have a natural ability to swim. She didn't believe me. This 8 year old kid in the pool tried to help me by saying "I believe it was the Russians who were training babies to swim..."

Checked out and read The Catcher in the Rye. I never had to read it in school, and with all the good things I heard about it, I had to. Pretty great, though.

That's probably it. I'm leaving tomorrow, I think. Next stop, RI for a few days.

dontfeedthedrew @ 2007-07-07T15:01:00

2007-07-07T19:05:51Z

I
I have decided
at 25
that something must change

The thing I want most in my life is to get a little spontaneity back into it. This trip is coming at the perfect time.

Bye, all. I'll keep you posted.

dontfeedthedrew @ 2007-06-24T09:38:00

2007-06-24T13:40:55Z

"Their heads cast shadows like skyscrapers,
still small enough to fit up their asses."

It floors me how stupid people can be.

That's probably the last time I go to Winchendon for a while.

There's a point we passed, from which we can't return

2007-06-18T14:26:45Z

Yesterday on the way to Father's Day dinner in Fitchburg, I rode with my sister in the new car.

Top down, of course.

While we're on the highway, my sister opened up the glove compartment and my registration flew out of the car onto the road. Oh, family...

Saw Patton Oswalt, Janaene Garofalo, and Mike Showalter in Northampton on Saturday. Patton was really the only good performance of the night, but wow was he worth the trip.

This week's getting busy, and it's only Monday. Beach tomorrow during the day, then a trip to Cambridge with my uncle to see 69 Eyes, a Finnish metal band he likes. Show Thursday in Keene (and maybe jury duty before that?), party Friday, and then perhaps a trip to RI Saturday for yet another graduation party/waterfire. I've never been before, and I hear it's a hoot. Busy busy busy. And I still have no income.

Maybe I should work on that.

Meh.

dontfeedthedrew @ 2007-06-14T20:59:00

2007-06-15T01:02:38Z

Wow. I just watched "Are you smarter than a fifth grader?"

A woman was asked how many feet were in 2 and a half yards.

After pondering how many feet were in a yard (her first guess was 5290, then 352), she locked in an answer of 78.

Wow wow wow wow wow.

As a nation, we are so collectively fucked.

Now get in the pit, and try to love someone!

2007-06-14T03:05:19Z

Heard Kid Rock on the way back from URI, and that's the inspiration for the header.

Here are some thoughts from the RI adventure:

- I like my friends, and knowing that, wherever we go, we will make the best of it.

- Soap Opera acting is absolutely horrible. Also I want an eye patch.

- I don't think I could have dealt with another year at camp. Middle-schoolers are obnoxious wherever they go. Ah well, at least I got a little yearbook revenge.

- I really like WBRU. It's basically the only station I'm willing to listen to. I wish I lived close enough to hear it all the time.

- I don't handle roads in RI very well. So lost today.

- Cranium is fun, but the clay dries out too fast. I've played it twice, and still have not seen a sculpture.

- Really late nights are awesome. Up-to-all-hours conversations make for good bonding.

- I wish this summer would never end.

Update after an eventful weekend

2007-06-06T12:38:42Z

Alright, here's what happened on my Maine adventure.

-On my way up to Maine (driving my dad's car), the transmission went crazy. I suddenly only had 3rd and 4th gear (Little Miss Sunshine, anyone?), so I had to get it towed 70 or so miles back to Orange. At least the truck driver was nice. In any case, my trip to Maine took closer to 8 hours, instead of 2.

-Saturday was the wedding. Seeing your friends get hitched is crazy, folks. Just so you know. At the reception, "Hey Ya" was deemed inappropriate music because there were old people there. I'm pretty sure those are the highlights. There was also a pretty awesome thunderstorm that night, and, though it kept me from a late-night beach walk, it was pretty cool to watch from the balcony.

-Went to dinner with Aimee on Sunday. I've probably known that girl since I was five, and I think it's cool that we can not see each other for three seasons, and both understand that when I go back up there we are going to hang out and pick up where we left off the year before.

She had just ended things with a guy she had been seeing for a month or so. Among other more conventional reasons for the breakup was his trying medical condition (already received a kidney transplant, and will likely need another very soon). I know that staying with somebody out of sympathy is even worse than a breakup, but wow. I don't really know how I'd handle it at 22 if the person I was seeing might not be around for their next birthday.

-The rain kind of destroyed my time in Maine. Sunday and Monday I didn't even get to the beach, because it was cold and wet and gross. In that time, I got to watch a whole bunch of TV, because I didn't prepare very well for a rainy weekend.

-Criss Angel is a fucking lunatic, but I can't stop watching his show.

The roof is getting worked on this week, which I learned at 6:30 this morning when they started pounding on my ceiling. The dogs didn't like that, so they basically haven't stopped barking since. I'm gonna sleep well this week. Probably.

Yeah ok, this is pretty lengthy. Time to say goodbye.

On a side note, my submission made it to Boston in time. I hear back in July. Keep your fingers crossed. It'd be such a great opportunity.

Pair of dull scissors in the yellow light

2007-06-01T14:26:57Z

I'm submitting an entry to the Boston Comedy Festival today. 1) I hope it makes it there by the deadline (June 4) and 2) I hope I get in. It'd be an awesome opportunity in the fall.

Also, all you camp people who saw me last year in Keene, that contest is back again. June 21st and 28th at the Moose Lodge in Keene. Is that the thursday before camp begins? That would be neat.

I'm heading up to Maine today. Wedding tomorrow, then beach beach beach until I grow tired of it or get a reason to leave. As much as I love Rhode Island's beaches, Old Orchard wins. No contest. Probably my favorite place to be in the world.